I was 28, living in Brighton, England. One rainy autumn day, with the help of Mother Nature’s substance, I had an extraordinary experience that shattered my entire view of reality.

I was sitting in a candlelit room on my sofa, my eyes wide open, with no thoughts coming—just being. It felt light, free, delicious, peaceful, and blissful. That night, I experienced a stillness of mind I never thought was possible. It wasn’t empty or lifeless; it felt like home—natural, effortless, and alive. There were no worries, no memories, no fantasies—only clarity and peaceful stillness.

When the experience faded, I was left with a deep sense of longing. I knew I had to find my way back “home.” That night had opened a door to a new way of seeing reality, and I couldn’t ignore it. But I had no map, no guide, no plan. All I knew was that something had shifted, and I had to understand it.

Years passed. Outwardly, I was a tattoo artist with a fun, creative career, but inwardly, I was restless. I swung between moments of happiness and days of despair, crying when no one was around. I felt trapped—by myself, by others, by life itself. There was a heaviness to everything, a constant rush to be somewhere else, to be someone else. I wasn’t at peace, and I didn’t know how to fix it.

In my search for answers, I tried sound healing, crystals, and books. I came across concepts like enlightenment and flow states, but they felt just out of reach. I never went to retreats or joined groups; I wandered alone. For eight years, I searched aimlessly, frustrated and exhausted. Then, I found Jed McKenna’s books.

I devoured his trilogy in one sitting, and it hit me like a lightning bolt. His writing was a wake-up call. It was painful and intense, shaking the foundations of everything I thought I knew. I realized that so much of what I believed about life had been learned, repeated, and accepted without question. I didn’t know anything—not really—and that was terrifying. But it was also liberating. One idea stood out above all others: “no self.” It felt like a clue to the home I’d been seeking.

a few months later, I stumbled onto an internet forum where the message was shockingly direct: “Just look. There is no you.” The simplicity of it was staggering. Could it really be that straightforward?

One October morning, standing in my bedroom with the taste of coffee still on my tongue, I looked. I asked myself, “Is there an Ilona running the show?” And in that instant, the mind stopped. For a brief moment, there was clarity, and everything made sense. It was so simple.

I saw that there was no separate “me” controlling anything. Life wasn’t a struggle or a series of individual battles—it was one unified, interconnected movement. There is only life, happening. The sense of separateness I’d carried my whole life was just an illusion. Beingness itself is home.

In 2011, I attended a satsang in London with Pamela Wilson. I watched how gently she worked with people’s fears and internal tensions, and it gave me another key to understanding. Inspired by her approach, and with my background in psychology, I began exploring the workings of the mind in my own way. I wanted to understand how the mind creates its struggles—and how it could stop.

Combining these insights, I developed a method I call “Deep Looking.” It’s a way of guiding people to examine their own experience directly, to see for themselves the illusion of a separate self. This method became the foundation of my work with Liberation Unleashed.

Liberation Unleashed was born that same year, out of love and passion to help others find the freedom I had found. What began with a small group of like-minded seekers has grown into a global community of over seven thousand members. It’s beautiful to see people who’ve experienced this recognition return to guide others on the same path.

In my book Liberation Unleashed, I gathered everything I found helpful: pointers, questions, exercises, conversations, and practical steps for seeing through the illusion of the separate self. I wanted to create a guide that anyone could follow to explore this truth for themselves.

The recognition of no separate self is not an end—it’s a beginning. It’s a shift in perspective that invites deeper exploration, continued insight, and the unraveling of old patterns that no longer serve. Life doesn’t suddenly become perfect, but it becomes lighter, freer, and more peaceful. The seeking stops, and there’s a new openness to what is.

For me, this shift has changed everything. There’s more peace with what is, more lightness in daily life. I still face challenges, but I meet them with greater calm and acceptance. There’s less resistance, fewer thoughts about what isn’t happening, and more space to notice the sweetness of what is. Life unfolds naturally, and I’m free to fully experience it.

I invite you to this journey of self-transformation. The shift from separateness to oneness is not something far away—it’s here, now, waiting to be seen. The peace you’re looking for is already here.